Back to the Future – Part 3: The Egg Collection

fertility preservation, chemotherapy
Happy little egglets

After a few days of taking hormone injections, I found myself waddling around in the summertime heat, and people kept remarking on the nice glow I had about me.

WHAT was up with the pregger-like symptoms?!? Was this normal? But a few ultrasounds explained why.

Normally, women take hormone injections because they aren’t producing enough eggs for at least one to mature, but I was there for completely different reasons! So instead of producing 7 or maybe 8 mature eggs, my tally was already over 10…from just one ovary! They weren’t all mature yet but they were getting there, and that meant they were getting BIGGER.

Nurse: Great Scott! Look at your egg count!
Me: Yes, yes. Has the doctor set an egg collection date?
Nurse: Hmmm, well you are responding well to the fertility drugs, so Doc wants to go for a few more days!
Me: Ugh.

Every time I went in for an ultrasound, we had to do the BIG count. And it seemed that the nurses weren’t all familiar with my situation so I got a lot of “Wows!” and “Woahs!” and even an “Oooooooh”.

Finally, Doc set an egg collection date—the ultrasounds (still à la dildocam) started to become SUPER uncomfortable. I showed up at the hospital and was settled into my lazy boy chair in the recovery room. I read about the egg collection procedure online and it didn’t seem too bad…

They brought me into the OR—it looked like it did on TV, but SCARIER. Big lights, people busy chattering and doing things. I got onto the operating table and they started pumping me with Valium to help me relax. The doctor started, calling audibles as he went along…hang on a minute, I can still hear and feel everything, waiiiiiiiiiiit, I need more VALIUM!!!

Doctor: If you look to the screen on your left, you can see your eggs!
Me: Heh?!?

Thankfully, the procedure wasn’t that long and next thing I knew I was rolled back to my lazy boy in the recovery room. The nurse came by and asked me how I was doing on a scale from 1 to 10. Ohhh, 8. 9 even! No problemo! Wait a second, I think the valium just kicked in…

A few minutes later, I was definitely only a 2 or 3! Thankfully, the nurse brought me pills of some sort, which I happily gobbled up. She also handed me a paper to read—it detailed what to expect the days after, etc. I read through it and started to notice some bizarre things…oh, I see, the paper also included items for the embryo transfer procedure (once they fertilize the eggs via IVF, it’s the procedure to implant the embryo in the mum-to-be), so it didn’t apply to me….yet?!? Oh oh, I don’t think I fully thought this through—once they take the eggs out, there has to be some way to get them back in, which I’m sure wasn’t any better! Why Buddha why?!?

Just then, the nurse came around to deliver the good news—I was the proud mama of 21 little egglets. No “wow!” this time but I did get a thumbs up.

I was relieved that the whole process was finally over, and in the end was glad I went through with it. Just in case. And even if I didn’t end up using them, at least the sun was shining where they were. I mean the freezer has lights, doesn’t it?


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