Before breast cancer, I had been to the hospital of total of THREE times—a sprained ankle and bad allergic reaction (both times in highschool) and the third time was when I was born.
Doctor: Which hospital do you go to? Me: I don’t.
So it’s understandable for a person like me, how unimaginable the number of doctor and hospital visits a breast cancer patient must go through. I wish this was (hospital) love that I’m feeling but there are just these things that keep me burnin, burnin.
People say not to think about the why. But a science-driven mind, full of wonderment and just plain anger, is blinded by one question—WHY?!?
I researched many sites online (legit sites, not scary ones) and nothing stood out enough to directly relate to my situation—there was no “A-ha!” moment to be had. Anything and everything can cause cancer. Great.
Tick tock tick tock. The sound of that damn clock is keeping me awake. Or maybe it’s the looming plunge I’m about to take—forced to take!
Mornings are the toughest. I wake up thinking it was all just a bad dream, but instead I wake up to my new living hell. Or it’s like my whole life was nothing but a dream and I finally woke up to a cruel, cruel summer.
It’s crazy how in an instant, my so-called la-la life can change so drastically, dramatically, permanently. Everyone says not to think about the why…but I can’t help it, why?!? Not why me, just WHY.
There are moments where I almost forget. Nothing’s wrong with me, I’m normal! Call it denial, call it whatever you want, I don’t care. I want to relish and hang on to these beautiful la-la moments I can still have.
And then there are moments where I literally have to catch my breath thinking about it.
Tick tock tick tock. My la-la life is running out of time.